Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ttyl tear gas
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
