I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
