your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
