On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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