I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
