I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think my fart just growled at me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
