The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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