I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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