Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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