the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize