cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
