i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
