Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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