We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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