i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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