why didn't you poke me back
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
