alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
