Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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