if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
