You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
