Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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