You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
