My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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