what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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