wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
