why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
