some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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