ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
