I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
