Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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