I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
