i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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