am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize