dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There r osticjed everywhere
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize