My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
