it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize