We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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