One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
