careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
