I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
