Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
