I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
