she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
