Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
