His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
