we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
