When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
