Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i already hear my dad disowning me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
