If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
