are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
