he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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