There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize