and she was petting her beer can
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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