Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
