Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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