Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
