I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
