I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
