when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
