He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
