I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You took a bar mat shot.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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