I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
