Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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