yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
