nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
