I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
