I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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