I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
