Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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