i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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