All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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