if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
