Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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