I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
babies were throwing up all over the place
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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