I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
