I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
soo... how was my night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize