somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
