is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
